8 Ways Couples Can Plan for Retirement Together

1. Talk About and Set Financial Goals

When you make a commitment to a goal, you’re holding yourself accountable for making it happen and you’re more likely to follow-through. As you plan for retirement, don’t worry that every decision you make will be set in stone. That’s not how it works! In fact, planning for retirement not only means planning for your future, but also protecting yourself from what the future may hold.

Start with a general idea of how you’d like to spend your retirement years (Near the grandkids? Traveling the world? Moving back to your hometown?), then start setting up investment accounts. If you already have them, make sure you’re getting the most out of your investment; if you don’t, make plans to build up. Set up milestones so you and your partner always know where you’re at financially and why you’re doing it.

Research has consistently shown the more open we are about money, the better equipped we are to make positive financial decisions. If talking about finances is uncomfortable for you, figure out why and move on.

2. Acknowledge Missteps

We all make mistakes. Even our best-laid plans can be waylaid by unexpected events. At the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic in 2020, for instance, many investors were driven to sell stocks, a move 47% of them say they later regretted. Mistakes like these don’t always dictate your relative success or failure as an investor, but having a financial plan in place may compel you to think twice before reacting to major events.

Some people have been known to end relationships because their partners are financially irresponsible, have hidden debt, or refuse to talk about money. If you’ve made financial mistakes and refuse to acknowledge or accept the reality, you may find it difficult to maintain an appropriate level of trust with your partner. 

3. Confront the Problem, Not Each Other

A recent study found that money is not the most frequent source of marital conflict in the home, but when compared to non-money issues is “more pervasive, problematic, and recurrent, and remained unresolved, despite including more attempts at problem solving.” That’s a pretty scathing indictment. 

Money is personal. When couples think they’re arguing about money, sometimes they’re actually arguing about something else entirely. Plans that weren’t communicated, broken commitments, and the disrespect of time are common relationship pressure points, and you don’t always outgrow those issues the longer you’ve been together. Make sure you’re addressing the problems you’re facing instead of the failures of the person.

4. Budget Together Frequently

No doubt, upon reading this you may have sighed at the thought of a monthly budgeting session. We like to spend our downtime relaxing, doing things we love, or anything that’s not balancing a checkbook or working on a budget. Making a budget can be tedious, restrictive, and confusing. 

Making a budget can also be freeing. There are many new ways for couples to get on the same page with their budget without it feeling like drudge work. The internet is a fantastic place to find a multitude of apps like Mint, YNAB, and Honeydue (among many others) that can help not only to make sense of budgeting, but to make sure you’re aligned and budgeting with your financial plan in mind.

5. Don’t Keep Secret Accounts

Being transparent with your spouse is a major key in getting on the same page with your spouse. There’s a big difference in having separate financial accounts and having secret, financial accounts. The main differentiator is if you’re committing financial infidelity-- intentionally deceiving your partner about how you’re managing money in a joint account -- or not. Are you saving for a surprise trip, or planning to leave your relationship? It can be a thin line and secrecy is notorious for breeding suspicion. 

This one may seem like a no-brainer but talking to your spouse before making significant purchases should be non-negotiable. Transparency doesn’t mean no surprises, it just means you need to set the stage for a surprise by not making it a burden on your spouse.

6. Discuss Big Purchases 

Every holiday season, many of us are subject to commercials by car companies advertising their deep discounts – shiny vehicles, jaw-dropping locales, and big red bows. One of the more inane of these has been airing for at least three years and continues to draw ire is the GMC “One for You, One for Me” campaign. It features an affluent couple whose surprise holiday gifts for each other are two, fully loaded, just-out-of-production SUVs. For many people watching, the ad is a “delusional fantasy,” which may be why SNL ran a parody of a similar ad where one well-intentioned husband presents a new vehicle to his surprised wife, who then demands he take it back after it’s revealed he’s been unemployed for two years and borrowed money from a neighbor to pay for it.

In one survey, researchers found two-thirds of consumers have an agreement with their significant other to talk before spending more than a set amount, however, even with that admission, they also found “18 percent weren’t in sync about having a spending cutoff, and 54 percent cited a different amount than their partner.” What’s actually revealed is that we’re not really talking about big purchases with our spouses nor being as transparent as we think we are.

7. Make Time to Talk Money

It should come as no surprise that we, as a people, don’t like talking about money. It’s uncomfortable, it’s loaded, and some even find it embarrassing. If you’re in a serious relationship, however, the foundation must be one of trust and respect and that means you shouldn’t get into a serious conversation about money when one or the other of you is, for lack of better words, not in the mood.

As with any serious conversation, you can’t be flippant with time. If you need to talk, treat the subject like you would other serious conversations – schedule time, communicate the importance, and be honest. And if your spouse chooses the wrong time to take a deep dive into your shared financials, don’t shut them down immediately. Good communication between couples means you can acknowledge it’s an important conversation and plan for a better time where you both can be fully engaged. Be careful with this tactic, however, because if you don’t come around to discussing the subject, it may come across as avoidance.

8. There Is No I in Team

How you say things matters. Just like those old schoolhouse posters used to say: “there is no I in team,” there is no “I” when you’re planning a future with a partner. Retirement can be complicated and when you have two or more incomes and plans and decisions that have been coming down the pipe for years, it’s important to remember your plan is for a shared future.